on the eve of the new year, i drew a card.
THE HIEROPHANT - REVERSED
personal beliefs, freedom, challenging the status quo
"All the wisdom you seek comes from within – not from some external source or power."
after thinking on the meaning of this card, i realize i didn't need to draw another. my following questions were already answered! but i didn't yet have the confidence in my "inner guidance system" to know it, so i requested further direction:
i need to rebel/follow my own path in relation to who or what?
THE EMPEROR - REVERSED
domination, excessive control, lack of discipline, inflexibility
this felt like a natural continuation of the previous card. the power struggle is internal. i need to rebel against my own insecurities and notion of how things should be done. i should not fear the judgement of others, nor give away my power to please them.
i already carry within all that is needed to walk my own path. but what is that path? in this, i am continually wavering. rather than asking outright, however, i decided instead to ask how to find my path, my guiding star from which i can reorient myself whenever i feel lost.
FOUR OF WANDS
celebration, joy, harmony, relaxation, homecoming
"It is now time to pause and celebrate what you have achieved so far. Acknowledge your hard work and give yourself permission to take a small break before embarking on the next phase of your journey"
how interesting! i did just return home from the holidays, but before leaving i experienced an artistic breakthrough. i was quite proud of myself, and eager to keep moving, but my momentum was stalled by the break. i've been taking the past few days to recouperate, while yearning for the passion i felt only a week ago.
in summary: to find my path, i need to step back and celebrate what i've already accomplished. i suppose then, my path is self-evident! my successes are the stones upon the 'correct' trail; my failures - the deadends - lie forgotten. as the first card already told me, the answer was within all along.
to whomever needs to hear this:
yes. it does get better, if you want it. but you have to want it.
in my journey i've come to learn that you choose how you see your life. it really is as simple as "glass half full / half empty". there is a lot of wisdom in those old adages, but in your present state of mind it may be difficult to accept.
life is unbelievably hard. i'm not saying it isn't, or that we can wishfully think our way out of suffering. life is suffering, but it's not only suffering, and you can become someone strong enough to handle it.
it's difficult to accurately convey how much change is possible. the world is filtered through our perception of it, it's all we're capable of knowing. to even hope for change, we have to accept that our brains can be "wrong". our thinking can be inaccurate. our perceptions are not always truth.
once you decide that you want to change, there are things you can do to make the process easier. it begins with the body. if you are physically unwell, becoming mentally well will be more difficult. eat, breathe, move: these are the basic conditions for life.
stillness is death. life is movement, and movement is change.
so move. begin taking steps, no matter how small. you don't have to know where you're going. you just have to try, and keep trying, and eventually those tiny movements will add up and take you someplace you couldn't presently imagine. you'll look back and see the flaws in your reasoning, the pain you unnecessarily brought upon yourself. and then you'll understand: you choose how you see your life.
i'm sorry. i wish i could explain it in a way that my former self could understand, i know i would have rejected it too. but i want you to know that a different way of thinking is possible, and this is how i found it. i hope my words could at the least plant a seed somewhere in the depths of your soul. i can only hope that someday that seed will blossom into a brighter tomorrow.
watched a video on "the death of debate". i think this condition has deeper roots; some days i fear we may be losing the ability to communicate at all.
we seem to have a lot of difficulty in truly listening to each other. rather than making an attempt to understand those who disagree with us, we tend to assume the worst. we battle with demons in our imaginations and forget the humans before us. with such confidence we spit headlines and viciously dehumanize each other. we've lost all respect for one another. it's frightening. even in casual conversation, everyone seems too busy speaking, or thinking about what to say next, to truly listen. we talk at each other, and not to each other.
are we so self-absorbed that we don't think others have anything worth listening to? have we really and truly already got it all figured out? or is it simply the epidemic of adhd, of which i also find myself afflicted?
i think often on the gell-mann amnesia effect. we're so eager to have opinions, but where does the confidence to do so come from? on how many subjects can one reasonably consider themselves educated? an expert? worthy of not only having opinions on, but arguing for, casting aside relationships for? how much pain do we create over subjects in which we likely know very little?
perhaps this issue isn't a modern one. don't they say, "a little knowledge is a dangerous thing"?
i release this burden. i don't know!
i spent all night trying to fix the iframe caching problem... and realized it's an issue with security settings on the brave browser.
i purchased an online course from the concept artist tahra, and was inspired to create a simple tool to generate random combinations of character attributes. i think it's fun and inspiring, give it a try!
i've also noticed, new guestbook comments! thank-you so much for the kind words! but... i don't have an etsy?
"it's just a moment, it's not your whole life, it's not who you are, it's a bad situation and situations will pass" - Career Coach Mandy
recently stumbled across this channel; i think she's so endearing!